It's okay, it's okay.

I am having a restoration week, which for me always involves going through old journals to see where I've been and what I may need to be restored in.

I found this story from September 24, 2001. Henry was 5..

Carrying Henry to bed and in his sleep he patted my back and said,"its okay, its okay." This is the day I know that he values me and my impact is felt. Henry and I have spent every afternoon fighting for the last week or so. He has been in my face disobedient, which is actually encouraging-- he knows what he is doing and he is using more appropriate language. He's getting mad at me because he wants his way. When we get to the point of no return (he slaps me or is blatantly disobedient) and I say enough he falls into my arms sobbing then says: "crying, scared" or " crying, mad" or even "impatient". And then I pat his back and say " it's okay, it's okay. I love you. That's why I can not let you disobey.".
He is something else.

I am amazed several things -- first at Henry's incredible character. What a human he is and I'm so fortunate to be the one mothering him. It's stunning how much of life he understands, real life. It has taken me until this past year to see life as cleanly as he always has.
And I'm amazed at how much I've been through -- slapped daily for several years! Others have told me they don't know how I've done it but I always thought I hadn't really done enough. I feared that it would never change but it has. He doesn't slap or bite or scream. He's quite self sufficient and as involved as a teenager would be (he's refusing to go to the movies to see The Muppets with me preferring to stay home and play video games.) but I am tired, I am in need of restoration. We made cookies and played wheel of fortune. Then I lounged in the couch and he got his own lunch.
It's okay, it's okay.